


Used to Be

by SilverMidnight



Series: Deeks/Callen [2]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 13:46:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11807187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: The kids are finally in school full time and Deeks has realize that he doesn't have anything to do through the day. Hetty comes with an offer that he has no idea whether he should take her up on it or not.





	Used to Be

**Author's Note:**

> So I love the story Dinner and there are going to be a lot of different one-shots based off of their lives throughout the years. Here's the first one!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

Blinking up at the ceiling Deeks tried to think of what he was going to do that day. Callen and the team were in the middle of a huge case and both of the kids were in school for the full day. Outside of D.D. he was completely alone doing absolutely nothing.

It was different when he was at home taking care of his children, but now he didn't have anything to do most of the day. He hadn't felt this useless since he first lost his hearing. At least then he had been able to look forward to taking care of his baby girl. Now though…

He knew that the fact his son had started first grade the week previous was taking a toll on him. It had happened when Isabelle went to school too. He just hadn't realized that it would be different when Wesley went. He didn't realize just how much more silent the world became without his kids around.

He shook his head at that thought. He was deaf. He had been deaf for thirteen years yet he still had to wax poetically about it. If his husband had heard what he was thinking then he'd probably laugh at him. Or look at him with those heartbroken eyes. Better to not know which one.

There had been a time when he first lost his hearing that he wondered how it was that he could think at all. It had taken up a lot of time and almost drove him into a bottle a few times. Then he gave up on it altogether. It hurt too much to think about and he figured it would just be easier to walk away from it all.

Well, not all of it. He loved his life and as much as he hated what had happened he couldn't just let himself stop. At least that's what he used to be. Now he was laying in bed at noon while the world moved around him. He really wasn't the man that he used to be.

Pounding his fist against the bedspread he told himself to get off his lazy ass. Still, he made no movements. It was stupid but he just couldn't bring himself to move. It wasn't as if there was anything going on in the world that pertained to him anyway.

A part of him wanted to curl up under the blankets and wait for his family to get home. Before he could do that though out of the corner of his eye he saw something flashing. He knew that it was his phone and as much as he wanted to he knew he couldn't ignore it.

Rolling over he picked it up and saw a text from Hetty. It was nothing more than an address, but that was what he always got from her. He didn't know why but the woman did everything she could to make their meetings face to face. Not that he minded. He always loved her.

He forced himself to take a deep breath and than another getting lost in the feeling of his chest expanding and contracting. He loved that feeling. A little reminder that he was a live. It was always nice to remember that he was breathing.

When he felt a bit more normal he stood up and left the room counting his blessings that he hadn't changed out of the clothes he wore when he dropped the kids off. He really didn't have the energy to get ready for the real world.

Clapping his hand against the side of his thigh he called D.D. to his side when he was at the front door. Instantly the dog was next to him with her leash in mouth. Smiling he put the leash on and started towards his destination with the excited mutt.

He had no idea how long it took but soon he was walking into a pet friendly restaurant. It didn't take long for him to find the woman that texted him. A smile smile came to his lips sat the sight of her. He might see the team often but he still missed them.

Walking up to the table he saw her smile at him before opening her arms to give him a hug. His grip was slightly too tight but she didn't seem to mind as she squeezed him back. He really did love how strong she was. The strongest person he knew.

"Hello, Mr. Deeks," the woman signed in greeting after he took his seat, "Would you like something to drink? The owner imports her tea from India. It is delicious."

"I would love some," Deeks replied letting a wave of peace fill him, "Callen gave me that tea you sent."

"Oh? Did you enjoy it?"

"I did."

Hetty gave him a smile as the waitress came up. He watched as the older woman ordered him a drink. It was annoying when people did that, but he knew that tea was her area of expertise. If he wanted to try something new it was easier to just let her order.

It also helped that he never felt as if Hetty pitied him. That was one thing that he hated the most. Even now he had to deal with those looks. For the most part he could deal with it. He had a nice life and he knew that him being deaf didn't make it any less.

"How have you been?" Hetty questioned when he looked at her.

"Good," Deeks signed before sighing, "But I know you didn't call me just for idle conversation."

"I didn't. Has Callen told you about the case he's working?"

"Outside of the fact that he might be coming home looking a little worse for wear? No. We don't really talk about his work unless it's really dangerous. Why? Did he not tell me something?"

"Nothing like that. I just believe that you could help us."

"Help you? Hetty, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm not much use in the field."

"You're still more qualified than most new agents."

"Still at a disadvantage. Hetty, I'm not an agent anymore. You know that. Why did you call me?"

Hetty stayed quiet for a moment as the waitress came back and put his tea down. He saw her mouth moving and knew that if he focused he could read her lips, but he was too tired to care right then. Hetty waved her away a moment later a smile on her lips.

"You're not normally so rude," Hetty signed cocking her head to the side.

"Tired," he offered with a shrug, "Why did you call me?"

"Do you still read up on law?"

"Law? I hadn't gotten my qualifications renewed in awhile. I haven't read up on it either. Why? Need a lawyer?"

"Not me, but I know some people that might."

Deeks stared at the woman his head cocked to the side. It had been years since she or anyone had come asking for him to do something for them. He had almost decked an LAPD detective that came pounding on his door six years ago looking for help.

As much as he loved the life and family he had now he still missed his old life. He missed knowing that he was doing something that was making the world a better place. He never let himself dwell on those thoughts for long though. He wouldn't come back if he got lost in those thoughts.

"Hetty..." Deeks started before dropping his hands to the table.

"You don't have to give yourself enough credit, Mr. Deeks," Hetty offered staring at him, "You were a good lawyer before you became a good detective."

"That was a long time ago. I used to be those things but not anymore."

"You might not be able to be a detective anymore, but there is nothing stopping you from practicing law and helping people that way."

Looking away from the woman he forced himself to take a deep breath. He knew that she was offering him a lot, but he had no idea what to do with that. For years he had been only a stay-at-home father. That was all that he knew how to do.

There was a part of him that wanted to jump at the chance to get a part of his old life back. He just had no idea if he had what it took to live in his old life anymore. He didn't want to know if he had changed so much that he was no longer that person.

Before he could get too lost in his thoughts a hand came out to rest on his arm. Looking over he saw Hetty smiling at him. It was one of those smiles that made him think of a grandparent looking at their grandchild. So much love and understanding in those eyes.

"Marty," Hetty spelled out with one hand before pulling her other one away, "I don't need an answer right away. I just wanted you to know that a friend of mine is helping with the case and is looking for new blood at his law firm."

"And you thought of me," Deeks responded feeling more than a little numb.

"I did."

"I… I need to think. Can I get back to you?"

"Of course. I've been missing long enough. Tell Isabelle and Wesley hello and that I have a new tea the next time either wants to have a tea party."

"I will. Thank you, Hetty. For everything."

Giving her another hug he grabbed D.D.'s leash and left the restaurant. His mind was working over time as he went over the conversation over and over. He had no idea what he was supposed to do or think about it all. It was all just too much for him.

Taking a deep breath he stopped where he stood and looked around. It was so odd to see the streets so packed full of people and hear nothing. He had only the vaguest of memories telling him what the world should sound like. He didn't know if he could trust those memories anymore.

With a shake of his head he ducked into the closest store and saw that it was full of books. This place he knew should be quiet. He didn't have a part of his brain attempting to figure out what the world should sound like. It felt like a weight was lifted. At least for now.

Taking a deep breath he turned around and gave a nod to the bored looking cashier. He started to look around not really wanting to find anything, but not wanting to join the real world just yet. It wasn't as if he had anywhere to be anyway.

He had no idea how long he ended up in the store but he found himself in the back of the building staring at a large display for law books. It really had been a long time since he looked at any law books. He had no idea how much they changed over the years.

Blinking a few times he grabbed the newest ones and went to the front before he lost his nerve. His body was shaking slightly as he paid for the books and started home once more. Before long he was sitting at the kitchen table staring at his purchase.

The lights suddenly flickered around him causing him to look up and see Isabelle and Wesley standing there. Looking at the clock he saw that it was almost four o'clock already. He really was not focusing well. It was a good think Callen usually drove them home from school.

"Hi, Daddy," Isabelle greeted before walking over and hugging him.

Smiling softly he kissed the side of her head before letting her go and having Wesley climb into his lap. Holding him tightly he kissed the top of his son's head before closing his eyes. He really did love having his children around him.

Feeling a tap on his shoulder he opened his eyes and looked up at his daughter. She motioned to the books on the table looking curious. Sighing he reached out and picked up a book before handing it to her. She took it with a smile her eyes going wide as she smiled.

"Papa said you used to be a lawyer," she signed after putting the book down, "Before you were a cop."

"That was a long time ago," Deeks responded before sighing for the hundredth time that day, "I'm not a lawyer anymore."

"But you could be. If you studied."

The beautiful blue eyes were watching him with such and earnest look that he didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell her how afraid he was to try to go back to his old life. She was a child and he was her parent. It was wrong on so many levels to drag her into his mess.

"Daddy?" Isabelle signed her head cocking to the side, "What's wrong?"

"Don't worry about it, Love," Deeks smiled before putting Wesley on the floor and standing up, "Come on. Let's get a snack in you two and you can start your homework."

Turning to the fridge he got out a fruit salad that he had made the night before. He was so busy getting the food ready that he didn't notice that his daughter hadn't moved. When he turned back around he saw her staring at him with a drool look her arms crossed.

"I'm not stupid, Dad," she stated with a glare.

"I know that, Isabelle," he responded trying not to look amused, "But you are my daughter. It's not your responsibility."

"I know, but I can help. Really I can."

"Isabelle..."

"Dad. We both know I'm too much like you to give up. So you might as well talk."

"I'm really going to hare your teenaged years, aren't I?"

"I like to think so. Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Running a hand through his hair he sat at the table once more and he looked at the books. He couldn't even begin to think of how to explain it to her. How he was terrified to even open the books to see how much the world he used to be a part of moved on without him.

"I got into law because I saw how much injustice was in my neighborhood," he started knowing she was focused on him, "I wanted the people that I knew to have someone looking out for them. I spent weeks running on two hours or less of sleep because I needed to help them. Even after I jointed the forced studied. I needed to help. I haven't done that since I lost my hearing. I don't… I don't know if I can be that man again."

A small hand rested on his causing him to look up just in time to see her launch herself at him. Smiling he held her tightly his face buried in her hair. They pulled away a second later though she stayed close.

"Daddy," she smiled staring at him, "You're forgetting one thing."

"What's that?" he questioned back.

"You're not the man that you used to be. You're better. Now chop chop. You have studying to do, young man."

"Isabelle."

"Love you, Daddy!"


End file.
